Monday, August 10, 2009
BIRTHDAY POEM FOR NEIL
By Philip Cairns
Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns
By Philip Cairns
Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns
It was a still summer night, not unlike tonight.
It could have been yesterday.
We were so very young and beautiful.
I’ve always loved the summer.
We sat on a bench, with the highway running underneath us.
Something frightening and electric was in the air.
You told me it was over and I burst into tears.
I remember your gobbling, wiry body.
The long, lithe legs.
That huge luscious cock
And the asshole with a tiny hint of hair around it.
I was crazy about you.
We had dreams in our eyes.
Heady times, they were.
Dancing together at a gay disco
With you in your silver jumpsuit.
Writhing sex at the baths for we had nowhere else to go.
We shot an avant-garde Underground movie together,
Something I’d been dreaming of since I was 5 years old.
We smoked dope and had incredible sex.
I was falling into a scary, fearful, wondrous pit.
Then I crashed down to Earth and was wounded.
It came to an end.
I remember getting drunk and going to your house and crashing in a strange bed.
I hoped you would be there so we could patch things up.
No one saw me or questioned the foolishness of the situation.
We wanted different things.
You desired security and riches.
Someone to take care of you.
That’s how it seemed to me.
I needed great passion and art,
Acting, success and fame.
It was brief but traumatic.
I moved on carrying scars.
In those days, I was always getting dumped.
I was hot and sexy and didn’t even know it.
A quivering mass of insecurities.
Falling for guys who were already taken.
No one wanted to get involved.
Gay relationships were so different, back then.
For years, I didn’t understand what happened,
But the pattern was often repeated.
Always blamed myself when things ended.
We both continued to perform and create art.
You seemed to find the love and material things you were looking for.
Love is a crazy thing,
Like reaching out to grab bubbles that disintegrate in your hands.
I never found the romance I was seeking though I’ve had some fabulous rides along the way.
Decades pass.
Things change.
Lives move apart and come together.
People transform into new beings.
We age and lose our youthful appeal.
Become happy or bitter.
Life is full of such joy and pain.
Sometimes it seems impossible to carry on.
Fits and starts.
Now, years later, it’s your birthday.
Happy birthday, darling Neil.
I’m so glad you were a brief part of my life.
I wish you all the joy and abundance in the world.
May you carry on with grace and ease.
I am no longer the boy you knew
As you are no longer the guy I lusted after.
Have a marvellous day.
Merry meet and merry part
And merry meet again.
Blessed be.
It could have been yesterday.
We were so very young and beautiful.
I’ve always loved the summer.
We sat on a bench, with the highway running underneath us.
Something frightening and electric was in the air.
You told me it was over and I burst into tears.
I remember your gobbling, wiry body.
The long, lithe legs.
That huge luscious cock
And the asshole with a tiny hint of hair around it.
I was crazy about you.
We had dreams in our eyes.
Heady times, they were.
Dancing together at a gay disco
With you in your silver jumpsuit.
Writhing sex at the baths for we had nowhere else to go.
We shot an avant-garde Underground movie together,
Something I’d been dreaming of since I was 5 years old.
We smoked dope and had incredible sex.
I was falling into a scary, fearful, wondrous pit.
Then I crashed down to Earth and was wounded.
It came to an end.
I remember getting drunk and going to your house and crashing in a strange bed.
I hoped you would be there so we could patch things up.
No one saw me or questioned the foolishness of the situation.
We wanted different things.
You desired security and riches.
Someone to take care of you.
That’s how it seemed to me.
I needed great passion and art,
Acting, success and fame.
It was brief but traumatic.
I moved on carrying scars.
In those days, I was always getting dumped.
I was hot and sexy and didn’t even know it.
A quivering mass of insecurities.
Falling for guys who were already taken.
No one wanted to get involved.
Gay relationships were so different, back then.
For years, I didn’t understand what happened,
But the pattern was often repeated.
Always blamed myself when things ended.
We both continued to perform and create art.
You seemed to find the love and material things you were looking for.
Love is a crazy thing,
Like reaching out to grab bubbles that disintegrate in your hands.
I never found the romance I was seeking though I’ve had some fabulous rides along the way.
Decades pass.
Things change.
Lives move apart and come together.
People transform into new beings.
We age and lose our youthful appeal.
Become happy or bitter.
Life is full of such joy and pain.
Sometimes it seems impossible to carry on.
Fits and starts.
Now, years later, it’s your birthday.
Happy birthday, darling Neil.
I’m so glad you were a brief part of my life.
I wish you all the joy and abundance in the world.
May you carry on with grace and ease.
I am no longer the boy you knew
As you are no longer the guy I lusted after.
Have a marvellous day.
Merry meet and merry part
And merry meet again.
Blessed be.
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