DARINKA

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

DARINKA

By Philip Cairns

Copyright 2009 by Philip Cairns

My blonde friend Darinka is a bit of a nutcase

But I like her, just the same.

My friends have always been eccentric or downright certifiable.

Schizophrenic, bipolar, depressives,

They’re always drawn to me.

Darinka spends $400 on a black cocktail dress

But she has nowhere to wear it.

She buys it in a too-small size hoping it will force her to lose weight.

She cries poor mouth then tells me that she has $5,000 in her chequing account.

Darinka talks a mile a minute,

Fantasizing about being a famous screenwriter in L.A.,

Yet I find her poetry to be rather trite, I’m afraid.

This 50-something woman hasn’t had sex in over 20 years.

She doesn’t want to go out in the evening

And leave her frail mother at home.

My parents both decided to check out

Before they became a burden to their 5 children.

Darinka makes dates with me then cancels, at the last minute, because she is depressed.

I’d be suicidal, too,

If I hadn’t had any cock in 20 years

And stayed home every night with my mother.

Who wouldn’t?!

I met Darinka on a film set in Cambridge, Ontario.

We were spectators watching a marathon race in “Saint Ralph”

Starring the venerable Gordon Pinsent.

It was raining and I had holes in my hard, uncomfortable shoes.

By the middle of the first day,

My feet hurt so bad I could only walk on tiptoe.

We saw each other on sets over the next few months

And she started phoning me.

Darinka always says, “I’ll call you in a few days,”

Even though I don’t want to talk to anyone that often

Unless I’m regularly gnawing on their succulent flesh.

This woman has a kind heart but she frequently tells untruths.

She sometimes doesn’t show up for film shoots

And makes up bullshit excuses to her agents.

My friend spends $650 on a Fendi bag that, to me,

Is the epitome of ugliness.

To each his own!

Then Darinka says she can’t afford $25 for a Tarot card reading.

This middle-aged woman thinks she will never find a boyfriend

Or get laid ever again.

We all have our beasts to slay

But I’ll gladly take my troubles over hers,

Any day of the week.

Forgive me for these words.

Now, what would she have to say about me,

One wonders?

“You can do so much,” she tells me.

“I don’t understand why you don’t make $50,000 a year.”

Darinka has never lived away from home.

It’s a hard way to make a life.